Looking back

Looking back at the past year… I see ups and downs, wounds and wonders, precious moments on a rugged path…

Looking back I know… no matter what’s been, no matter how hard it was… I am still IN LOVE with the craft.
I still love the whole process of getting words out of my head, putting them on paper like I put down a wet lump of loam in front of me… and I still love standing there, frightened and excited at the same time… not knowing what will be, once I put my hands on it and start to shape the gray mass…

Looking back I see triumphs and fails, stupid mistakes and great ideas… and I know: it’s all possible. All of it came out of me. I don’t know why. Often I don’t even know how. But I know it’s real. It’s me. I am capable of so much. And my only duty is to… LET it happen.

Looking back I know… I can’t stop anyway. I’d rather die than live a life without the joy of art. Without words and music and the beauty of nature. It’s precious to live in circumstances that make it possible to hone your craft – even if it’s hard sometimes, even if money’s always tight. Even if it’s not always fair. It’s a gift. And this year it will be my christmas gift to allow me to be like that. Be an artist. No matter what. With or without money. Just for the sake of it. Just because I couldn’t do it otherwise anyway.

So… looking forward to what might be, I know, it’s in my own hands. And that’s just where it needs to be.

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